Specifically, He has been working in my heart.
You see, it has been years since I have felt close to God.
I have taken comfort in knowing that feelings are not truth – just because I FEEL that God is not near does not mean that He is not right there with me.
New International Version (NIV)
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
It’s been a long and rough road. A lonely road.
Over the years, I have pulled away from God somewhat – not seeking Him as I did or should. Honestly, the work involved in a relationship that I FELT was one-way was difficult and draining.
This year, God has been slowly softening my heart to His voice again. Over the summer, I admitted my predicament to some close friends after another had confessed a similar feeling.
Just this past week, our church started church-wide small groups again.
I missed the small church atmosphere. The place to discuss and be real.
I joined two groups!
The second is a group just for mommies. We had a great discussion about the church and the first Church and how Church isn’t a building or simply a group of people, but a MOVEMENT.
During prayer at the end, my heart was soft. God prompted me to confess how I have felt to the group and ask for prayer.
He is always faithful!
After we prayed, He opened my eyes slowly to all that has been behind my feelings. How He has been right with me, holding me, through it all.
I have built a wall.
Brick by brick, I have built a wall to guard my heart. A wall to hang masks on for others to see rather than the REAL me – flaws and all. The wall was built over years. Years with heartache, stress, and painful situations. It went up slowly. It went up stealthily. I hadn’t noticed. I wasn’t really paying attention to my heart, but to the external stresses of life.
The bricks have names:
- lack of trust
All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall. ~~Pink Floyd
(Could this be the first blog post that quotes both scripture and Pink Floyd? Possibly!)
So, this could be overwhelming. It could be disheartening. It could be painful.
But, it’s not.
This discovery has been freeing. I am thankful.
God has shown me that I am not the only one with a wall. We ALL build walls. The bricks simply have different names.
He has shown me that He will give me all I need to walk through this and to begin tearing down this wall.
He has shown me that there is love on both sides of the wall. There is forgiveness. Though I build a wall, I cannot keep Him out.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
He has shown me that He has always been, and will always be, faithful. Worthy of praise and honor and glory.
We all have our own walls. He is faithful and will help us break them down.
What bricks do you have in your wall?
I would love to come along side of you in prayer as you tear down your own wall. Just send me a line through the “Request Prayer” button.